Distorted Cerebration

Apparently I am:

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSEIC35670320070803?feedType=RSS

This is not a spoiler.

So the latest Harry Potter book came out recently. I can’t even fathom what else has been this big that it’s affected the world like this. But what I just saw takes the cake.

While getting ready for a raid, the council of my alliance decides, “Spoil the latest Harry Potter and you’re raid banned”. Maybe a little overboard but understandable request. I don’t want to hear about a movie that I want to see other than “It was good” or “It sucked”, so it’s the same as a book.

So someone announces in vent “Council just passed. No talking about the Harry Potter book or you’re out of the alliance/raid banned”. Now if you haven’t been under a rock for the last 10years it’s a common sentiment when the Potter book is released. However one player states this (paraphrasing) in raid chat:

“I can’t stand for the limiting of free speech in any form. gl”

And then leaves the raid. And signs off.

HOLY SHIT BATMAN!

I am all for free speech, but we’ve all been there where we’ve wanted to smash someone in the face for revealing information that we wanted to discover on our own. Like in a book, or a movie. So to get uppity about a request like that is just beyond all comprehension.

Someone getting like that for book information being said. Ok, I kinda get that. For the possibility of not being able to ruin someone’s enjoyment of a book, for the sake of ‘free speech’. OMG “Lighten up Francis”.

Once more I’m here trying to decipher myself, to explain to others (in the hopes, that I finally understand myself )

It seems to me that I have a power problem.  Not a struggle for power. I’m not building a fighting force of extra-ordinary magnitude.  I have no technological terrors that are completely operational. We’re talking more interpersonal power.

And it’s really odd one.  Would love to hear your comments on it.

You see I seem to ‘give’ power to those who I don’t know, and (just about) demand power from those I know very well.  Ironic eh?

You would think it would be opposite.  That when they met me they would soon learn who’s “the baddest mofo low down around this town?”  (Sho’nuff).  But instead my ego disappears. Completely.  I become an empty shell in the shape of Funk.

I just seem to blindly obey those I don’t know.  Ok, not completely. Ask for money and I don’t have it. But other than that I will seriously consider “obeying” if not just doing it.

And those that get that far of requesting things of me, have made it past the “don’t fuck with me” aka the expressionless face I usually have when near people I don’t know.

But for people I do know, I can be pushy. I can be a down right asshole sometimes.  Not so much an asshole that people hate me. Instead people seem to like me. Alot.  (They told me so :P).  I always get invited back.   But still that bossy attitude is there, with people I know.

Why does any of this matter?  Well meeting women is kinda hard when you turn into souless Mr. Roboto who hasn’t uploaded the conversation software yet.

Really need to find away to meet new people and know that “I am the master” at the same time.

Sho’nuff.

I’ve been a so called leader a few times in my lifetime. I’ve had good times and bad times. All in all though I will actively try not to be a leader ever again. The stress part of it aside, the real bane of leading is the “then I’ll quit” people.

You know those people. The ones that disagree with something and then make some suggestion that when not praised as the saving grace of whatever the current ailment is state “then I’ll just quit”.

I use to try and keep the peace. Try to make them understand that yes there comments are welcomed. Now… GTFO if you’re gonna be like that.

It’s a tactic that I’ve seen way too often, typically from people that do nothing but complain but don’t do any of the work. Moving forward in anything is so much more of a chore when you drag people like that along.

Now to up the ante on the level of annoyance of these people, they also do the whole “that’s not what I meant” thing.

You know what I mean. First they say “This sucks, I hate it”. Then when you call them out on it their response is “I never said it sucks. You misinterpreted what I said”.

Umm… no you said “it sucks”. In fact this situation happens a lot on message boards, so you can quote them:

Annoyance wrote:

This sucks. I hate it.

To which their reply of course is ” That’s not what I really meant”.

Bullshit. If that’s not what you meant, then don’t say/type it. Mean what you say. Say what you mean (”and as always, England Prevails!”).

Honestly how hard is it to take a minute, 60 seconds to review what you write for tone and how others may perceive what you’re saying.

Ugh.

The only thing that could top this crap sundae, is those people who say whatever it takes to get people pissed off (following the “this sucks” mantra), and then when others get pissed off, they act like the victim.

“Bullet in the brain pan. Squish.”

This is something I wanted to get off my chest, not something I want anyone that isn’t the person I talk about to do something with. If you do, do something and are not that person I may have to hurt you, just cause.

So following that whole F for Failure theme:

There’s this beautiful woman that alights my [ space not to be named ] from time to time. Any man would be crazy not to try and start a relationship with her. Accordingly I am slightly crazy. I definitly would like to hang out with her at least once, but I for some dumb reason I kept coming up with reasons not to do it.

• She’s too beautiful not to have someone already, so why bother?
• I don’t want others, that are unavoidable because of who she is, to be in my business. Not that she would go telling everyone, everything but there’s a possibility that things wouldn’t be underwraps so to speak
• I don’t want to fail
• I don’t want to fail and have things uneasy for time to come because of who she is. (yes that’s two different entries).
• I have a small anxiety about a certain policy that exists at [space not to be named].

Now I have spoken to her, she does know I exist. Hell she saw me around before I saw her. We were at Marist at the same time. But with my panic about the Sexual Harrasment policy I tried not to pay attention to the female students. It helps keep your job to do something like that, but has you dying a little bit inside each time when you fail to not notice.

So we spoke once. “Once!” (movie quote). But I didn’t persue right then and there. Why? Apart from the reasons above, I was in a bit of shock. As aware as I usally am about my surroundings, to not commit this woman to memory is just a travesty to being a man. Yeah I was trying not to notice, but still it’s the principalities smokey.

I am not obsessed with this woman. Obsessed is knowing what car she drives, the license plate and her arrival and departure times. I don’t know any of that and I don’t seek it out. Hell I don’t sit all day contemplating what she is doing. But I really would like to know her.

Chalk up another lost cause. Things might be different than what I perceive themt to be. It would be wonderful if things are different than what I perceive them to be.

But for now I just have to realize that I got another F.

Dear Coworkers,

For some reason I feel it neccessary to give you a little primer on the guy some people call Funk.

If you see me in the hallways and I don’t have a smile on my face:

• I typically don’t have a smile on my face unless I’ve just been laughing my ass off at something
• I may be tired since I have bouts of insomnia
• I may be unhappy with my recent performance on something. I could of just saved the world from impending doom and still be unhappy with some detail that happened during the process of saving the world.
• I may be lost in thought trying to find a solution to something.
• I could of just worked with Novell Groupwise. Oh my goodness is that a shitty product.

I am not sleeping in the meeting. Just cause I don’t look to be enthralled does not mean I am not paying attention. See above or know that I really hate sales pitches. I really hate sales pitches. They are filled with empty promises and my experiance tells me that that shiny new product that sounds like it can even julianne fries is going to be a major headache for me.

If I don’t know you, or haven’t worked with you a lot, then I am most likely going to be guarded. I have tasted my foot one too many times in my life (ok, so I only remember two, but I learn quickly). So I am going to be quiet to try and learn as much about you as possible. You could be the most wonderful person in the world, but until I’ve seen that for myself I can’t fall into the trap of trusting yet another person who could possible screw me over.

I take many things related to my job seriously. And some not so much. It causes me much grief to try and find a happy balance where I don’t get pissy cause you tripped over one of my pet peeve’s about doing my job. Like telling me to reboot a Linux box. Linux machines typically don’t need to be rebooted to solve problems. So suggesting that first before learning anything about what the real problem is is going to get some ire out of me.

I hate being wrong. No I am not the type to manipulate the situation so that I’m right. Instead I’m going to be annoyed while trying to figure out where exactly I screwed up.

I am my own paradox. So many of the things I posted here come into conflict, and causes me to very indecisive at times.

I understand the power of perception. Perception is very powerful and can build or destroy entire countries. So I try to be careful with anything that could in anyway could cause a negative perception. Hence this post.

Everyone has their sore point. Mine seems to be Failure. Kinda common one that is, but yeah it bothers me.

I would rather not do something than fail at it. Doing it right, succeeding , winning all seem like very temporay things when compared to when I fail. Failure seems to last for a lifetime. I can almost remember all the times I failed. Can’t remember all the times I succeeded though.

In some instances this has helped me. Learning from one’s mistakes and all. But in recent years it’s almost become debilitating, keeping me stuck in neutral.

Yeah I know all the pretty flowery sayings about try and try again and the like. But when something like failure sticks in your mind and stays there, it’s hard to “just keep at it till you succeed”. To keep picking up stones and carrying them until you finally find a diamond is gonna get you hurt pretty bad. And recovering from that is a long process.

I’ve lucked out a lot, definitly. Almost comparable to a golden child in some instances. But that buff has seem to of worn off, and I can’t find the person to give it back. I wish they would hurry up and give it back though. These constant F’s have gotten to me. Beyond what they should of.

No No… not what you and I especially would hope the title means…. more benign it is.

Tonight I did something that I never thought I’d do.. or at least have the balls to do…. once again, that’s not what it is.

No tonight quite simply I did what I wanted to do without regard to the feelings of the people involved.

Yeah, that’s right, that’s all I did… I did something that I wanted without worrying about the person on the other end.

I usually don’t do things like that. I usually do the ‘nice’ thing even when I don’t have to, or am actively encouraged to do otherwise. Tonight, I just felt like it. I felt like doing what I wanted to do. What exactly did I do?

I set someone up and they got killed.

Again, that statement isn’t what it sounds like.

I didn’t intend for that player’s character to be killed off… at least not that fast. But the great thing is that I set it all up, and his demise came swiftly with so much plausible deniability on my part, it’s the story that presidents and high ranking officials dream of.

Now I have no ill will to the player himself… he was just in the wrong dungeon at the wrong time. That and he was an elf.

One character dies, my character lives. And I giggled my mother fucking ass off.

My it feels good to be chaotic evil.

Today’s “All about Funk”, is a very simple lesson.

“If it happens to them, it can happen to me, and if you are on my list of people I care something about, then it happened to me.”

So when I rant about something, don’t always assume that it happened to me directly. It could of happened to you, and if I hold you in any kind of esteem, if I think you to be the victim of fucked up shit, then I take the incident personally, and it pisses me off as if I was on the receiving end.

It’s one of the reasons I retreat to the World of Warcraft, the World of Movies, or just in general Escapism. Because in those escapist worlds, there is usally resolution, some kind of ending, something that either I or the characters did to rectify that situation. Can’t do that in real life it seems.

Here I’ll even give you an example to go along with today’s lesson. Ironic however that it comes from one of those escapist worlds.

The character Athena on Battlestar Gallactica, happens to be a defector of the Cylon race. A race of machines that are indistinguishiable from humans, except for the way their cells are made. In an episode a military group decides to interigate her. Their methods of making her talk? Rape, Abuse, etc. The Rape doesn’t happen… stopped right before it starts. But what bothered me to this day is the mindset that generated this quote: “How can you rape a machine?”

Wait a tick. For all intents and purposes that ‘machine’ you were so eager to stick your dick into, to make talk, is human. You can’t even tell there is a difference unless you’ve seen that face before OR they go wooly and try to kill you. Science can’t even tell them apart…. but because you think she’s just a machine it’s alright to do whatever you bloody feel like?

If you can’t see why that pisses me off.. hell if that doesn’t piss you off then you have no fucking business in existance.

Honestly what’s the point of anything anymore?

What happened to those days where you worked your ass off and the company you bled for recognized that and took care of you?

What happened to that whole idea of treat others how you want to be treated?

What happened to understanding? Communication?

Why the fuck should I do anything for anyone, considering 9 times out of 10 their gonna bitch about what you did for them.

Why should I trust anyone when they’re just gonna screw you over the first chance they get?

Why should I depend on anyone when they leave just when you need them most?

Why should I look to others for hope when they themselves are hopeless.

What’s the fucking point anymore.

-Cynically yours