Distorted Cerebration

Dear Microsoft,

You almost had me. You lost me long ago and almost had me back, well at least in a “I won’t bad mouth you at every chance I get” kind of way.

You see I was installing a new product at $WORK.  It was a piece of software designed to run off of your Microsoft SQL Server (MSSQL) product.  By all intents and purposes this install should of taken 15 minutes.  However after running into one of your idiosyncrasies, I have to wait to do this install at a later time, because it’s now going to take at least an hour or more to install this software.

What’s the problem?  Well you’ve built MSSQL to allow for different sorting options. You know, the infamous “collation” setting during install time.  I’ve been bitten by “collation” issues in the past.  If not set right during setup you face the risk of doing a complete reinstall just so that one can change that option.  When I installed MSSQL 2005 I did some quick checking to avoid being bit again.  And much to my delight I found that at least in MSSQL 2005 you can change the collation option per database despite the default setting set during installation.

So I did what (just about) any other *NIX guy would do.  I set the default collation to case-sensitive.

Why, you ask?  Well a few things.

Like mentioned I am a *NIX guy, Linux to be exact.  And in the *NIX world, things are case-sensitive.  Most of my environment runs *NIX and since we need to have a certain level of interoperability I set the default option that should work best in my environment.

Also I started in the computing world as a programmer.  To me HELLO.WORLD and hello.word are two different things.  It’s how I think, it’s how most of my environment thinks, so I set the option that should work best in my environment.

Then I go to install the software.   It failed.  Lots o fail.   I tried running the SQL script that is part of the $SOFTWARE_PKG install process.  It failed with a bunch of “Must declare the scalar variable..” messages.  So immediately I set out to blame the vendor of $SOFTWARE_PKG.  How could they write something that out of the box doesn’t work? I thought.  And here I was enjoying my little adventure with MSSQL 2005 so far.  Everything was just working until I tried to run this vendor’s script.

So I head of to google to find out how to fix this shitty company’s script.  And much to my dismay I found out how to fix my problem. “Reinstall MSSQL and set the default collation to case-insensitive”.   Reason?  Because although the database is set to case-insensitive, none of the default system databases are.  And the MSSQL optimizer runs with the default collation setting, not the one of the database it’s currently running in.

Now, granted, this is not totally your fault Microsoft.  Part of the blame is on the vendor.  But then again, it’s not really.

Why?  Because your defaults are so loose, it allows for bad coding style.  And when ones adds any type of restrictions, good or bad, applications coded against your defaults can and will fail.  Did I ever tell you the story of how I solved a huge performance issues with a web application? Did it by disabling your IE scripting practices (READ: installed firefox and fixed the resulting code errors).

Let’s not even mention that it’s a horrid horrid thing that you give people the option to change the default collation, but if they change it then you pretty much can’t run a large portion of third party software out there (see part about your default options).

You almost had me back.  Up until I realized that changing a setting requires me to reinstall MSSQL 2005 I was holding you in a better light.  The interface with MSSQL was better than it was in the past and I was looking forward to seeing what other things you put into it that I could play with.  Now, I realize it was a fools dream to think that you’ve changed.

- Funk

It must be said.  It’s good to have friends that care.

Not that you asked….

So I just finished watching “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End”.  Pretty good.  Suprised me how it ended up and that’s a good thing.

However what I take away from the POTC movies is a new person to add to the list.  Naomie Harris.

Honestly her role in the POTC movies has bumped Halle Berry and Tyra Banks down to the number 2 and 3 spots respectively.

The scene in the second POTC where she says “It was a woman!”.  Oh my.  Most don’t see anything there in that scene. Me I see a strong and sexy woman. And the bondage scene in the third, you feel what she feels. (umm, you have to see the movie to realize that that last statement is not what it sounded like ).

As happy as I am with the quality of all three movies, all that keeps running in my head is that scene “It was a woman!”.  I’d be the captain of the Flying Dutchman knowing that I …  well I can’t say if you haven’t seen the movie.

mmm… Naomie Harris.  What a woman.  Too bad I’ll never get to meet her.  Halle Berry and Tyra Banks? yeah it would be cool, but don’t know if I’d pay the same price, which is paid in the movie that you should see, where I would definitly pay it for Naomie Harris.

Heh.. paying that price. I can’t even swim!

It’s bad when you can’t even think of something to buy as a means of Retail Therapy . I remember a day when retail therapy took all about the time it took to drive down to Best Buy and pick out the thing I wanted. Nowadays I can’t think of something I want to buy. Even as a toy.

“When all the smiles are out of town, your placebo is too weak. You’re in the Syndrome.”

And today, a day when I could use a bit of retail therapy to take my mind away from whatever it is that bothers it so (which I truly have no clue what it is), I can’t think of anything to buy.

Ok, I can think of things to buy but I know they’re not even going to last an hour of use. I would get past opening the box and then become bored with it.

le sigh.

Apparently I am:

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSEIC35670320070803?feedType=RSS

This is not a spoiler.

So the latest Harry Potter book came out recently. I can’t even fathom what else has been this big that it’s affected the world like this. But what I just saw takes the cake.

While getting ready for a raid, the council of my alliance decides, “Spoil the latest Harry Potter and you’re raid banned”. Maybe a little overboard but understandable request. I don’t want to hear about a movie that I want to see other than “It was good” or “It sucked”, so it’s the same as a book.

So someone announces in vent “Council just passed. No talking about the Harry Potter book or you’re out of the alliance/raid banned”. Now if you haven’t been under a rock for the last 10years it’s a common sentiment when the Potter book is released. However one player states this (paraphrasing) in raid chat:

“I can’t stand for the limiting of free speech in any form. gl”

And then leaves the raid. And signs off.

HOLY SHIT BATMAN!

I am all for free speech, but we’ve all been there where we’ve wanted to smash someone in the face for revealing information that we wanted to discover on our own. Like in a book, or a movie. So to get uppity about a request like that is just beyond all comprehension.

Someone getting like that for book information being said. Ok, I kinda get that. For the possibility of not being able to ruin someone’s enjoyment of a book, for the sake of ‘free speech’. OMG “Lighten up Francis”.

This is something I wanted to get off my chest, not something I want anyone that isn’t the person I talk about to do something with. If you do, do something and are not that person I may have to hurt you, just cause.

So following that whole F for Failure theme:

There’s this beautiful woman that alights my [ space not to be named ] from time to time. Any man would be crazy not to try and start a relationship with her. Accordingly I am slightly crazy. I definitly would like to hang out with her at least once, but I for some dumb reason I kept coming up with reasons not to do it.

• She’s too beautiful not to have someone already, so why bother?
• I don’t want others, that are unavoidable because of who she is, to be in my business. Not that she would go telling everyone, everything but there’s a possibility that things wouldn’t be underwraps so to speak
• I don’t want to fail
• I don’t want to fail and have things uneasy for time to come because of who she is. (yes that’s two different entries).
• I have a small anxiety about a certain policy that exists at [space not to be named].

Now I have spoken to her, she does know I exist. Hell she saw me around before I saw her. We were at Marist at the same time. But with my panic about the Sexual Harrasment policy I tried not to pay attention to the female students. It helps keep your job to do something like that, but has you dying a little bit inside each time when you fail to not notice.

So we spoke once. “Once!” (movie quote). But I didn’t persue right then and there. Why? Apart from the reasons above, I was in a bit of shock. As aware as I usally am about my surroundings, to not commit this woman to memory is just a travesty to being a man. Yeah I was trying not to notice, but still it’s the principalities smokey.

I am not obsessed with this woman. Obsessed is knowing what car she drives, the license plate and her arrival and departure times. I don’t know any of that and I don’t seek it out. Hell I don’t sit all day contemplating what she is doing. But I really would like to know her.

Chalk up another lost cause. Things might be different than what I perceive themt to be. It would be wonderful if things are different than what I perceive them to be.

But for now I just have to realize that I got another F.

Everyone has their sore point. Mine seems to be Failure. Kinda common one that is, but yeah it bothers me.

I would rather not do something than fail at it. Doing it right, succeeding , winning all seem like very temporay things when compared to when I fail. Failure seems to last for a lifetime. I can almost remember all the times I failed. Can’t remember all the times I succeeded though.

In some instances this has helped me. Learning from one’s mistakes and all. But in recent years it’s almost become debilitating, keeping me stuck in neutral.

Yeah I know all the pretty flowery sayings about try and try again and the like. But when something like failure sticks in your mind and stays there, it’s hard to “just keep at it till you succeed”. To keep picking up stones and carrying them until you finally find a diamond is gonna get you hurt pretty bad. And recovering from that is a long process.

I’ve lucked out a lot, definitly. Almost comparable to a golden child in some instances. But that buff has seem to of worn off, and I can’t find the person to give it back. I wish they would hurry up and give it back though. These constant F’s have gotten to me. Beyond what they should of.

While trying to decide on what to write about next I realized exactly why I named this site Distorted Cerebration.

The thing is, that I find it difficult to decide because every thought leads into another thought which becomes entangled into the first,  becoming it’s own (wait for it).. distorted thought, which leads into another, engulfing the first.

And so on and so on.

So if I think about writing about the complexity of the issue of my father, I end up on the other end trying to decide how to elloborate about my issue with respect in the workplace.

It gets very confusing trying to follow the conversations in my head.

Almost makes me wonder who was really crazy.. my ex-girlfriends or me.   Well in a manner of speaking I guess it was me considering that I stayed with them as long as I did.  But being accused of being possesed by the Devil and trying to decipher the meaning of a H-Spot from a druken lightweight in the course of a game of druken cherades, methinks is enough to say that I was the saner of the group.

What was I talking about again?

So I was sitting one day recently thinking “my god, I don’t feel like farming more motes of fire”, so I started the process of trying to find something else to do. That was a short process…

• I can watch tv
  • Don’t have cable
• I can watch a movie/video
  • Already watched everything I have twice, in the past week or so
  • Not in the mood for the rest
• I can call….
  • Yeah there’s no one to call
• I can clean the inside/outside of the house
  • LOL!!!!!!!

  I can ….

So as you can see, Twaint much I long to do. Yeah I am sorta an addict to World of Warcraft (which is where the motes of fire thing comes from), but even that’s starting to get old. Tired of it really. Not so much of the game but the lack of my own progression. I could become a hard core raider, raiding every night, but the thought of doing that for more than a month straight hurts my brain.

So here I am. Writing, bitching, ranting, etc. all over again. It’s something to do, I guess.

Actually I don’t have to guess. Many moons ago I started blogging cause I needed something to do to forget failed relationship #3. The girl + 2 kids + lazy father + crazy 25yr older ex-boyfriend = More drama that was meant for any man or the Lifetime channel (if that’s even still around… remember no cable?). Through all of that bullshit I still sat there trying to win her heart. In retrospect I might of been happier if I just hit it and quit it.

Hit it and quit it is very much not me… but considering my past, it has some merit

So what’s gonna be different about this blog this time? Well…. not much really, except that I plan to remove that internal filter that I have and speak my mind on everything. At least here on this blog I will try to follow the mantra “No one is safe, No one is innocent”. Meaning names, places, people, etc will all be aired into this little void I call a blog. The reasoning being that I’m tired of this shit tortuing my mind. Time to let others suffer (or not) for a bit.

That’s not to say there won’t be exceptions to that rule. Most work matters won’t be aired here. Well at least they won’t get specific names . But there are some things that I just can’t share about the work place. Also if I do finally find another half/Girlfriend, then there are some things I won’t mention on here. No matter how cool this imaginary woman could be, I doubt she would appreciate me telling you how and where she likes it.

And for the curious. No I don’t live in my Mom’s basement.